Getting Over A Break-Up

If you've just had a break-up and are feeling down, you're not alone. Just about everyone experiences a break-up at sometime, and many then have to deal with heartbreak — a wave of grief, anger, confusion, low self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy all at once. Millions of poems and songs have been written about having a broken heart and wars have even been fought because of heartbreak.



What Exactly Is Heartbreak?

Lots of things can cause heartbreak. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended before they were ready. Others might have strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend ends or abandons the friendship. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same — whether it's the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.



How Can I Deal With How I Feel?

Most people will tell you you'll get over it or you'll meet someone else, but when it's happening to you, it can feel like no one else in the world has ever felt the same way. If you're experiencing these feelings, there are things you can do to lessen the pain.

Here are some tips that might help:

Share your feelings.

Some people find that sharing their feelings with someone they trust — someone who recognizes what they're going through — helps them feel better. That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family member. Others find they heal better if they hang out and do the things they normally enjoy, like seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take their minds off the hurt. If you feel like someone can't relate to what you're going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone more sympathetic to talk to. (OK, we know that sharing feelings can be tough for guys, but you don't necessarily have to tell the football team or your wrestling coach what you're going through. Talk with a friend or family member, a teacher, or counselor. It might make you more comfortable if you find a female family member or friend, like an older sister or a neighbor, to talk to.)


Remember what's good about you.

This one is really important. Sometimes people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you.


Take good care of yourself.

A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let the rest of your body get broken too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a boost.


Don't be afraid to cry.

Going through a break-up can be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can be a big help. We know this is another tough one for guys, but there's no shame in crying now and then. No one has to see you do it — you don't have to start blubbering in class or at soccer practice or anything. Just a find a place where you can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the shower when you're getting ready for the day.


Do the things you normally enjoy.

Whether it's seeing a movie or going to a concert, do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while.


Keep yourself busy.

Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened — working things through in our minds is all part of the healing process — it just means you should focus on other things too.


Give your self time.

It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of days to many weeks — and sometimes even months.


Some people feel that nothing will make them happy again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else. People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to escape from the reality of a loss may think they are numbing their pain, but the feeling is only temporary. They're not really dealing with the pain, only masking it, which makes all their feelings build up inside and prolongs the sadness.


Sometimes the sadness is so deep — or lasts so long — that a person may need some extra support. For someone who isn't starting to feel better after a few weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to a counselor or therapist can be very helpful.


So be patient with yourself, and let the healing begin.


Reviewed by: Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhDDate reviewed: November 2007Originally reviewed by: Ken L. Cheyne, MD

Love is like the wind. You cannot see it but you can always feel it.




Find out who you are and do it on purpose.




It all comes down to who's by your side.




Take a risk. Dare to move. Love is a leap of faith.



There's more to attraction than meets the eye.

Why Am I So Sad???

Feeling down? Got the blues? You're not alone. Everyone gets sad. Yes, everyone you've ever met. Some people have sad feelings just once in a while, and others may have sad feelings pretty often. More than half of teenagers go through a sad period at least once a month and plenty of younger kids do, too.
When you're in a sad mood, it may feel like it will last forever, but usually feelings of sadness don't last very long — a few hours or maybe a day or two. A deeper, more intense kind of sadness that lasts a lot longer is called depression (say: dih-preh-shun).

What Is Sadness?

Sadness is a feeling — it's one of the many normal human emotions, or moods, we all have. Sadness is the emotion people feel when they've lost something important, or when they have been disappointed about something, or when something sad has happened to them or to someone else. When they're lonely, people often feel sad.

When you're sad, the world may seem dark and unfriendly. You might feel like you have nothing to look forward to. The hurt deep inside may crush your usually good mood.

Sadness makes you feel like crying, and sometimes the tears are hard to stop. Crying often makes you feel better.

Sometimes when your mood is sad, you just feel like being alone for a little while. Or you might want someone to comfort you or just keep you company while you go through the sad feeling. Talking about what has made you sad usually helps the sad feeling melt away.

When sadness starts to go away, it can feel like a heavy blanket is being lifted from your shoulders.

When Is It Natural to Feel Sad?

Feeling sad every once in a while is natural. Maybe you didn't get something you really wanted. Maybe you miss somebody. Maybe somebody you really like doesn't want to be friends, and you don't feel so great about yourself. Maybe an illness or condition gets in the way of doing some things you want to do or makes you different from your friends. There are lots of reasons that people feel sadness.

Most of the time, sadness is because of a loss or separation, a difficult change or disappointment about something, or relationship problems.

Loss and Separation

This is the most common cause of sadness. It's a very sad thing to lose someone or something that you care about. There are many kinds of loss. The death of a relative, friend, or pet can bring weeks or months of sad feelings. The kind of sadness you feel from the death of a loved one has a special name — grief.

Other kinds of loss or separation from important people can also bring sadness, like people close to you getting a divorce. Sometimes it is hard to think straight because you cannot get your mind off your loss. Usually, the load of sadness you carry after a loss will lighten over time, although for a really big loss, there may always be a little bit of sadness left.

Changes

Changes that involve leaving something (or someone) behind, like moving to a new town or changing schools and leaving old friends can make you feel sad, too. The arrival of a new brother or sister may make you feel sad even though everyone thinks you should be happy to have a new sibling.

Disappointments

Disappointments like losing a game you hoped to win, getting a poor grade, or not being invited to a party can cause sadness. Sadness is a natural reaction to those things. How sad a person feels is usually related to how big or small the loss or disappointment is.

Relationships

Relationships bring happiness and fun much of the time. But tension or conflict in important relationships, or relationships that break up, can cause sadness, too. Many kids fight with family members, especially their parents, in the struggle to grow up and gain independence.

People often feel sad when all is not right between them and their loved ones, or when they get criticized or yelled at a lot. They fight about things like money, clothing, haircuts, school, and friends. In school, problems with teachers and grades may cause some sadness as well.

More Stuff That Makes Kids Sad

Other kids, both friends and enemies, can cause hurt feelings and sadness through fighting, teasing, peer pressure, not giving you support, or leaving you out of group activities. Feeling misunderstood by people close to you can lead to feelings of sadness.

Sometimes with sadness, there are other feelings mixed in, too. When you're sad, you might also feel angry or guilty. You might feel like blaming others or blaming yourself. Some kids mistakenly think that sad events like death, illness, or divorce are all their fault — but this isn't true. Kids don't cause these things to happen.

When Is Sadness a Problem?

If a sad feeling goes on for too long, hurts too deeply, and makes it hard for you to enjoy the good things about your life, it's called depression.

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of depression:

-feeling empty or numb
-feeling hopeless (like there's nothing to look forward to)
-feeling guilty or worthless
-feeling lonely or unloved
-feeling irritable and annoyed a lot (every little thing gets on your nerves)
-feeling like things are not fun anymore
-having trouble keeping your mind on schoolwork or homework or getting bad grades
-having trouble keeping your mind on things like reading or watching TV or not remembering what a book or a TV show was about having less energy and feeling tired all the time
-sleeping too much or not enough
-not eating enough and weight loss or eating too much and weight gain
-thinking about death or thinking about suicide
-spending less time with friends and more time alone
-crying a lot, often for no reason
-feeling restless (being unable to sit still or relax)
-having certain body feelings, like lots of stomachaches, headaches, or chest pain

People who have depression may not even know it. Often it's a parent or teacher who notices behavior changes like the ones in the list above. Depression can run in families. Having a parent who gets depressed makes it more likely for a kid to become depressed.

Some kids have depression after the loss of someone really close, such as a parent; long-lasting problems at home, including violence, illness, divorce, or alcohol or drug use; child abuse or neglect; rape; and long-term illness, burns, or accidents. But sometimes kids may be depressed for no apparent reason.

Getting Help

Kids, teens, and adults can get depression. It's very important for people of any age who have depression to get help. When they do, they can get better quickly. Sometimes treatment involves talking to someone who knows all about depression. Sometimes medications can help depression heal. Sometimes both of these things are used.

If you think you have depression or you just have sadness that simply will not go away, it is important to talk to an adult about it: a parent, relative, doctor, teacher, guidance counselor, coach, or close adult friend. This person can help you find the right type of treatment. Many cities also have mental health hotlines or suicide hotlines that are listed in the phone book. There is always somebody to talk to when you are sad or if you are depressed — somebody who can help.

Reviewed by: David V. Sheslow, PhD
Date reviewed: November 2007

Ooops sorry i Couldnt Update My blogger....

Hey Guys sorry i couldnt update my blogger on April first ehehe.......

I was sick and couldnt come to ma office.. thats why i couldnt update it.......

I dont have internet at ma home....Damn that sux dho...

Ehehehe soooon i am gonna have internet...and that will be kewl.....

And by the way this is a lucky month for me........

Cause ma sweetest cousin and sissy coming back to male'.....

I am waiting for them to come....and we will have lots of fun that i cant even imagine..ehehehe...

Anyways bi tc cya all.... and if you have any comments about this blog.. dont hesitate to tell me..

Your ideas are just welcome for this blog... So i hope you will comment me...

Lifes good........share it... ehehehe........